


like broken glass

by arrows (orphan_account)



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Backstory, Brainwashing, F/M, Gen, Insanity, Poetry, Red Room, poem fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/arrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She stares up at the sky and it is white.</p>
<p>A poem for Natalia Romanova.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like broken glass

she has lived  
for far too long  
though you would not know from her face -  
she has trained it endlessly  
to not betray.  
she sees  
blankness -  
empty spaces in her head  
where there should be memories  
but aren't

her childhood was not happy  
she starved and fought and became  
until they were something more  
more more more  
powerful strong killing  
unfeeling cunning sly  
hidden behind a mask of her own creation 

she stares up at the sky  
and it is white  
like russia  
like winter  
like cold snow  
and cold metal rooms  
and a cold metal arm  
that stroked her hair and  
hovered above her skin and  
touched her like truth and not  
like how she had been touched before -  
full of lies

and then  
he is gone  
her soldier  
her savior  
hers  
and she inherits  
his gun, his fame, his blank white page

they come at her with needles and sharp  
and tell her it will hurt more if she struggles  
to relax  
as they go inside her brain and pull  
her out, stuff lies in:

she is natalia, black widow, spy  
she is olivia, and has never held a gun  
works until a whispered phrase and a blackout brings natalia back

she is natalia, black widow  
she is hanna, and dances  
her feet bleed on the wooden stage floors

she is natalia natalia natalia  
she is marie susan nadine  
rosa katherine morgana  
alise janetta--

she is no one when she escapes  
carrying a gun  
running  
over borders under bridges through forests

they do not find her

she kills  
with a pistol, a knife, her hands  
she kills  
with a gun not her own  
a knife found on the street  
and hands that she isn't sure of  
but that are splattered with blood constantly  
no matter how she scrubs

the gun not her own has words engraved,  
etched into the cold:  
the winter soldier  
and he, she remembers him  
remembers a cold metal arm  
chocolate brown hair  
a red star  
blank eyes like russia  
and she thinks of him and smiles  
when she shoots with the gun not her own

her eyes are blank and dark  
and she has no idea who she is-  
nor does she care

the man in purple has been following her for weeks  
on a rooftop he finds her  
he finds her  
and she laughs  
and waves across the building to the man in black  
because she has nothing to fear  
(hell is for those who have beliefs  
and her mind was never her own)

he has a bow and arrow  
and it's aimed at her heart  
and she laughs  
a dark sound  
like broken glass  
and a broken girl

i, she says, remembers, am natalia romanova  
i am the black widow  
i have killed many  
and i am not sorry

(a lie  
she is sorry she did not die sooner  
she regrets the civilians  
who did not know  
that the sidewalks are covered in blood beneath their feet  
if they only looked down)

i welcome death  
and he shoots  
the arrow  
flies  
flies  
flies  
hits  
and she falls  
falls  
falls  
darkness

the sound of a voice permeates her dreamlessness  
and beeping  
to the tune of her heart  
beep-beep beep-beep  
it quickens  
beepbeep-beepbeep

her eyes open

**Author's Note:**

> The second fic posted today, as an apology for not updating any of my multi-chapter ones in forever. I'll do those after school is over, I promise!
> 
> Comment if you like it, please.


End file.
